Articles and Resources - Challenging Behavior
How to State Your Disagreement – Without Ticking Anyone Off
You have been asked for your opinion on an issue, but you know that you are not going to give a popular response. How can you state your opinion without causing offense or resentment?
This is a structure with 6 easy steps to help you state your opinion without ruffling any feathers, and still get your ideas across.
Stop and Think – Some of us tend to speak before our brain is in gear. So take a few seconds to be quiet and think ... What do I think about this? Why do I think this? This reflection will help you to collect your thoughts and plan your strategy.
Rephrase what you heard them say. Put in your own words the ideas that you believe you heard. By rephrasing, we are checking our understanding and the other person either confirms or corrects our interpretation.
Buffer – Use a phrase to gently broach the idea. It says that you value what they have said, but you are going to share another perspective. Some phrases might be:
- I hear what you are saying – here’s another thought ...
- I appreciate your views – here’s another way of looking at it ...
- Interesting perspective ...
- Something else to consider ...
- I understand your concern ...
- Something else to think about ...
- This company has another way of looking at it ...
State What You Think and Why – Give them the goods, in a diplomatic way.
Evidence – Support your idea with an example to back up your opinion. The evidence might consist of a personal experience, something that you studied, read about, researched, or observed. Evidence usually cannot be disputed. It supports your opinion and adds credibility to it.
Opinion – Conclude by saying – therefore my opinion on this issue is …
Let’s say that your office is having a meeting to discuss its current space. The office is bursting at the seams and you need a bigger facility. A suggestion is made to relocate the premises to a larger facility. You do not want to move, at this time.
- Stop and think – I don't want to move from the current location. It is a convenient location for my clients.
- Rephrase – So you think that our office should move, because the space cannot accommodate the new hires.
- Buffer – Something else to consider …
- State What You Think – Rather than a move, I think that we should expand into the vacant space that is next to our office. It will save us time and resources, and our clients will not be inconvenienced.
- Evidence – Yesterday I had a client who said our location is very convenient for her, as it is just a block away from a bus stop. Other clients have remarked on how easy it is to find parking.
- Opinion – Therefore, I believe that we should stay in our existing location and expand our premises.
This 6-step structure will help us to organize our thoughts and ideas in a difference of opinion scenario. Structure is important, as it takes out the emotional side of disagreements and gives us something to positively focus on. It helps us to resolve the issue, saves time, energy and frustration, and keeps individuals engaged in the conversation.
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